What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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