dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
