I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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