Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
