Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Still dying that you shit outside
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
