so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
