either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
