Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
