I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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