Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
