He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.