You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.