Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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