Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
