i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
last night I used snow as a chaser
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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