The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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