i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
