you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this just has baby written all over it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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