i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
