someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
