Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
