You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
