PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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