I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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