sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ruined the universe
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
