tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
