i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
