honey bunches of taint.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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