It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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