I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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