My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
