are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
