never play flip cup with pint glasses
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
