did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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