Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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