mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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