I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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