Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
