there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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