yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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