I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
