oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
