I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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