Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
