this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
