i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
