i'm signing you up for texting rehab
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
