need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
