What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
