the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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