Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
