God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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