How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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