my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
