Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
