Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
