she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
