The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
