I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
