i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
