ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
