dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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